Klaus Nordby's Militantly Dull Homepage:

Yes, ladies, I am single and available

Here are few relevant things about "Klaus and the ladies."

The past is behind me

Whenever I'm asked if I've been married, my standard reply is "I have never been married but I have been divorced several times." So that's the score regarding that. But I'm in principle all in favor of "settling down" with Miss Right. For a few details about what I mean by "Miss Right," here is a little little poem I once wrote.

Age and beauty

I am now 48 years young. I have no interest in women older than me — and I much prefer women who are younger than me. When I first met my previous girlfriend she was 26 and I was 41 — i.e, she was 15 years younger — which was fine with us both! (No, it didn't last, alas — but the age difference had nothing to do with that.) I'm still a pretty youthful fellow in most salient respects — and I want the company of a "youngish lady" (though the exact definition of that phrase is quite flexible).

Mr. Eyeball outlines the basics

My personal logo symbol is this eyeball. I'm an artist and a super-visual person. So how a woman looks is greatly important to me. Please don't give me any nonsense about "beauty being only skin-deep" or "it's only the inside which counts." To us — possibly superficial — artist types, the exteriors count a lot.

My chief axiom regarding a woman's body is that she is slim, thin and skinny. I cannot stand fat on women — so the thinner, the better (short of being pathologically anorexic, that is) not only in terms of body fat, but also regarding bone structure. Thin and bony is IT for me! So no, I do not have the conventional idiotic male obsession with "big breasts" or other "curvy attributes." Less is more. All over.

That was the body. What about the face and hair and overall "color-scheme"? I'm actually fairly flexible regarding the "color-scheme" — though it must be admitted that redheads are my favorite, followed by brunettes and blondes last (and of course, any bland blonde can dye herself a stunning red, as can most brunettes . . . :-)). As for facial features, I like large eyes and expressive faces. Here, there are admittedly many options, all very acceptable to me — I will just say that among all the major, classic movie stars, my all-time great favorite is Katharine Hepburn. What a Woman — in both Body and Spirit!

A postscript on race: Being a pale-faced caucasian myself, I naturally have a faint preference for caucasian women — I cannot deny that — but this matter is not of any great importance to me. So yes, if the Other Factors were agreeable, I'd happily embrace a woman of any race, color and nationality, whether white, black, brown, yellow, red or purple.

Children not allowed

I don't ever want to have any children of my own. This is non-negotiable. Why? Do I hate children? No, not at all — and I usually get along great with most kids, because I don't "talk down" to them but can talk to them about lots of interesting stuff in ways which they can understand. I've had some great times talking to and playing with the kids of my friends.

My reasons for not wanting children are essentially that I do not have enough time, energy and money for myself. However, I am willing to share some of these highly finite values with Miss Right — but I don't want to "spread myself thin" by distributing them any further. Furthermore, I don't want the huge moral responsibility involved in bringing another human being into the world — and raising him or her with all the care and attention which this lofty task demands. We can all agree, I hope, that far too many people become parents who should never have done so — and I demand some respect for the fact that I, unlike most people, know about myself that parenthood is not for me. Finally, I greatly dislike all the physical aspects of pregnancy and childbirth — I find them gross, unappealing, dangerous and even scary. If I loved a woman enough to spend "eternity" with her, the last thing I would want to do was subject her body and life to those unappealing and dangerous "natural" processes! I look forward to the day when science will be able to grow a human child all the way from "start" to "finish" — the whole 9 months — in some giant test tube. Who needs blood and gore and stretchmarks? (If you find this great idea horrible — that's your problem, not mine.)

In summary: if you (like too many women, heavy sigh!) are obsessed with breeding children — then please don't waste your or my time. I'm not contributing to the gene pool, period.

But what if you already have a child (or more) from a previous relationship? That is, for reasons clearly stated above, admittedly less than ideal to me — but it could perhaps be negotiated. Perhaps. I won't rule it out — if you are otherwise very agreeable to me. But it would have to be absolutely clear between us that you, as the mother, have the fundamental moral and practical responsibility for raising your offspring. I would be, at most, never a Father — but a kind of "advisory uncle".

More lady-stuff . . .

I'm sure the above has now succeed at scaring away, in utter horror, 98% of all women reading this page. Fine by me — for I believe in ruthless quality control at an early stage. It saves us all time and energy. But if you feel that my "specs" are in some ways applicable to you, feel free to email me. And I promise that, once the scary part is done with, I'm actually a fairly agreeable fellow. :-)

I'll add some more lady-relevant stuff here now and then, but in general my whole website is of course crammed with hugely relevant information about me, me, me! Ah, yes, "me, me, me" — what an endlessly fascinating topic. :-)